Friday, October 19, 2012

Me and My Shadow

I was walking home from a violin lesson. It was a sunny day. I moved automatically, neither happy or sad. A shadow caught my attention--my shadow. My little mind was filled with one thought. "If I cast a shadow I must be real." This was a psychotic moment. I had just discovered I was alive.

Years later at college, I attended a noon time meeting, very informal. A group had assembled to give their questions to a pastor. He was a properly quiet, sober, young man. I felt the good will in the room. People had questions and the pastor would try to answer them.

A young man volunteered. He stood out from the others in his neatness. He wore a corduroy suit. His hair was neat. What could be wrong? A sunny day, a quiet room of tinted glass, earnest people? Then his question. "I guess the big one for me is, Do we exist?"

The pastor spoke. "I believe Renee Dacarte answered that when he said, 'I think, therefore I am.'"

Should I have spoken out? I did not, though it was the only question I remember from that session. Sorry pastor. Sorry Renee. You meant well. But when a generation asks, "Do we exist?" We have deep trouble.

Please, someone, say it! We exist when we hurt, when no one cares about us. Why are we having children? So we can leave our fortunes to them when we die? I think we already have died.

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