"We shall fight it on the lawns, we shall fight it in our flower beds. We will poison it from out of our golf courses. With Dow on our side we shall prevail. And if the neighborhood lasts a hundred days, history will say, 'This was their final hour.'"
- Neighborhood Improvement Committee
Most of us have other things to worry about. We become preoccupied with petty concerns such as paying rent or house payments. Many have health problems or know of those who do. We must keep our cars running and full of gas. Some of us are worried about paying for food. Will there be food shortages?
To some, though, their concern is that horrible plant known as "crabgrass". "Why it's not even American! It's an immigrant!" It must be fought to the death. America's survival depends on it.
My wife was waiting for me to pick her up, so she got onto an early type of computer game. It was the search for hidden treasure. She was progressing nicely until the game confronted her with a cobra. It asked, "What will you do about the cobra?" She replied, "Eat the cobra." Not even Indiana Jones could think of that one. The game said "You've got to be kidding!"
So, echoing her answer to the cobra problem, I will say, "Eat the crabgrass." I'll even go beyond that, and say, "Raise the crabgrass." I propose an amnesty program for this poor, misunderstood foreigner.
Crabgrass seed is even deliberately planted as a forage crop, since almost nothing will kill it. Drought killing pastures? The crabgrass will still be there. It even replants itself. Green Deane, the wild plant expert, asks if it is really "manna". He offers a muffin recipe as an example.
Maybe, from a medicinal point of view, it will help cure sarcasm? I should really try it.
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